goodbye little beagle

Today’s hike started out under overcast skies with a soft rain. This fit perfectly with my mood, which was beyond sad and heading into the abysmal. My son and I loaded the two beagles into the car and headed out to the Tiny rail trail near Perkinsfield. Mr. B was his usual self, nose to the ground and crisscrossing the trail to find tuffs of grass to pee on. Betty Boop slowly followed behind, with her back legs trembling with each step and her giant abdomen swinging beneath her ponderously. Our little Boo was in end stage liver failure and had severely damaged hips that could no longer support her, and too often Boo would tumble down our stairs as her hips gave out. Today, with the gentle rain falling around her, she would be able to walk a short twenty five feet before needing to head back. I would look down and see little Boo with her tail wagging as she struggled to manage even a few steps. She never whimpered or complained, just kept on going. It was back to the car, then only a very short ride to the vet.

Betty Boop perked up and became excited at her favorite place in the world, the place of unlimited treats!! What dog doesn’t like the vets…. oh wait, there is Mr. B trembling in panic at the thought of having his nails trimmed; what a diva. Today though, we didn’t go in the front doors like we usually do, instead we went in the side entrance, into the quiet room with a couch, a blanket on the floor and paw prints in plaster on display. Mr. B paced the room while Betty looked in the corners for treats. Dr. Tiffany came into our small room, the room no pet owner wants to go into. I gently held little Boo while Dr. Tiffany gave her a sedative. As Betty slowly began to sink into the floor, Mr. B. gently licked her face while I pulled her close and spoke softly into her ear, “you are such a good girl, we love you so much”. My son and I took turns holding her small little body and crying into her soft red fur until it was time for the final injection. This is when the tears really start, and roll down my cheeks in large rivulets, and I struggle to stifle the large knot in my throat that threatens to choke me with my sorrow. We said goodbye to our little pocket beagle, the little senior rescue who came into our lives a short four years ago, yet who made such a huge impact on our lives. It is so important for families to be there for the last moments of their fur babies, no matter how hard it is on us; we owe them this last moment of comfort.

Back track four years. I already had a charming and gorgeous senior rescue beagle, Karma, when my husband came across a social media post about a woman who had passed away, and her daughter was trying to place her mom’s two ten-year-old beagles. Absolutely not! I repeatedly told my husband that we could not take on two more seniors…and he continued to show me their pictures and tell me how much they needed us. Miss Betty Boop was a pocket beagle with weird eyes and a bark like a seal, while Mr. B. was a large hound from Texas with an extreme fear for rain, wind, and having his nails trimmed! Eventually I caved, as I could not allow these two beagles to be separated after sharing a decade together. This duo joined our home and provided so much love to us over the years. The hardest thing about rescuing seniors, is that the time you have to spend with them is so short. Yet, they give you so much love, as though they are so thankful for letting them live out there last days in a loving home.

Sharing grief with others helps with the loss, in what ever form that loss comes in. There are numerous studies that show that the loss of a pet is as emotionally difficult as the loss of a human. Grief has so many forms and is different for each person. There is no route that you must follow, no script, and no timeline for when you stop grieving. There can be transference of grief, where the death of a pet can cause emotional reactions that are about past trauma or death that has not been dealt with. Anticipatory grief often occurs with families that have a loved one with a diagnosis of dementia, where families mourn the loss of the person through their dementia progression. Whatever form grief comes in, it is difficult, and scary and so very sad. It may feel suffocating and unbearable. Talk to others, share your grief, share your story, and hopefully find joy in memories.

If you find yourself overwhelmed, there is help. For the loss of a pet the SPCA does offer some counselling options and there are numerous online supports. Hospice Simcoe also offers counselling for pets as well as people. For other losses, there are a variety of supports. CMHA offers support and counselling and can be self-referred through their website. North Simcoe Muskoka Hospice and Palliative Network offers resources and counselling for children and adults. The Catholic Family Services is also another excellent resource. You are not alone, reach out.

A note here, for the fabulous team at Georgian Bay Veterinary services in Perkinsfield. They are amazing and have supported us through our many rescues and our end-of-life care for our beagles. Thanks especially to Dr. Tiffany and to all the team, as we say goodbye to our smallest beagle with the biggest personality. Thank you